How To Make Her Scream (Part Three)
A Kinky Guide to Getting Your Female Partner Off
Before We Begin: This article primarily speaks to heteronormative couples and uses heteronormative language, but the principles here apply to anyone looking to understand their female-bodied partner (or themselves!) on a whole new level.
Welcome Back, audacious adventurers of the bedspread!
As we sashay into the grand finale of this three part guide on female ecstasy, we'll tackle:
That tricky performance anxiety.
Dive deep into the crucial role of aftercare.
Before sharing a simple practice you can bring into your bedroom that’ll help bring her back into her body, the moment and’ll help ignite those pleasure sparks.
But first - let me share with you a quick story.
At every gathering, from glitzy weddings to cosy dinner parties, when I get asked that inevitable “So what do you do?” - I proudly declare my role as a Sexual Educator with a sassy smirk on my face.
Why? Because I know that I’m about to get one of two responses. I’ll either be met with eager eyes, a slacked jaw and a thousand and one hungry questions.
Or…. crickets!
In a nutshell, my profession will split the room faster than a vegan burger at a Texas BBQ.
And yet, at some point in the evening one of my most favourite things will inevitably happen. A man, driven by a mix of curiosity and need, sidles on up, feigning casual interest only to later confess, "Can we grab coffee? I need to know how to please her better."
Urg! I love these men.
I adore sharing this work with you, you beautiful lovers of the feminine form. Your eagerness to nourish, to delight, and to master the art of pleasure is what fuels my fire.
This, my dearest thrill-seekers, is why we dive deep and I make these guides (painstakingly?) detailed—because EVERYONE (and yes, I mean EVERYONE) deserves the right to access information about their own bodies, their pleasure, and their sexuality.
Sexual pleasure isn't just an optional extra; it's hardwired into our biology, an integral part of the human experience that's too often glossed over by inadequate sex education that thinks a nod to the clitoris is enough.
"But wait, Alexa. I had Sex Ed in school. I’ve watched porn. I know how this bad boy flows."
I hear you loud and clear—and let me debunk one of the most common misconceptions that comes up during those enlightening coffee chats that I cherish so profoundly.
Psst - If you’ve been with me since Part One, then you know the drill, this bad boy is long 😈 - Why? Because I don’t just want to give you a taste of what’s possible, I want you to sample the whole damn buffet. So take your time, savour every bite, and come back for seconds (or thirds) whenever you’re hungry.
So, Let's Talk Endings—When Does Sex Really End?
Let me put a little question in your cocktail and stir it up:
When does sex end?
Up until the ripe old age of nearly *cough cough* thirty, I was riding on the misconception that sex ended when my male partner climaxed.
And if we were scoring this based on my high school biology exam—where I was more of a Daydreaming Deborah than an A+ student—I would've passed with flying colours.
Why? Because sex has been painstakingly taught to us through the lens of reproduction - and not pleasure or intimacy!
Blame it on centuries of Judeo-Christian influence, which, no shade to the spiritually devoted, did a number on us.
History Lesson Incoming: 📝
Not so long ago, when religious institutions wielded significant influence over European politics, they shaped more than just spiritual beliefs. Chief among these was the portrayal of sex primarily as a means for reproduction. This perspective aided the Church in consolidating power by undermining the competing religions within Europe at the time, namely Paganism and the Druidism - which often celebrated sexuality and the divine feminine as sacred.
To put it simply (because this history is anything but simple) this approach has cast a long shadow over sexual education, simplifying the rich tapestry of human sexuality into a single thread focused on procreation.
Now, don't get me wrong—I'm not here to bash anyone's church hats off! I have the deepest respect for everyone’s beliefs.
I’m sharing this because understanding this history (how at one point the Catholic church in Europe was the leading political body) is crucial for breaking down why our culture, specifically in the west, is the way it is now (hello history informing the present) and why many of us have grown up thinking that when a guy is done, so is the sex - because for procreation purposes, that fits.
Now of course - is there more to this? Yes!
Does this explain why sexuality is demonised across the world and in other religions to this day? No!
But it helps give us all an understanding as to why so much of our sexual education is lacking - and how we’ve often been taught, sometimes subliminally, that sex for women is ONLY about reproduction, and not pleasure.
And that, my friends, is not just outdated; it's like trying to use a typewriter to send a text message.
Dive into the sassy (and incredible) work of Dr. Wednesday Martin, and you'll find something deliciously contrary to this dusty old narrative.
From an evolutionary standpoint, one theory behind why a woman can climax in technicolor, and typically outlast her male counterparts isn't a fluke of nature. No, it suggests that historically, women might have been designed to mingle with more than just one mate at a time—ensuring they get the best possible... let’s say, genetic cocktail. 😉
Why does this matter? Because it paints a fuller picture of female sexuality, stripped of historical/political bias and repackaged for actual human pleasure.
This redefinition isn't just about stirring the pot; it's about enriching our lives with a fuller understanding of intimacy.
It's about ensuring that sex is an exchange of energy, pleasure, and connection that respects and reveres the needs and desires of all involved.
So are you ready? Because class is officially in session…. like you haven’t just read a mammoth essay already!
1. Escaping the Performance Trap: Pleasure Over Pressure
Alright, gentlemen, let’s break down this pesky performance trap that’s sneaking into your sheets.
We're often schooled to treat our sexual escapades like a high-stakes race, focusing on the finish line—aka the Big O.
This goal-oriented mindset turns lovemaking into a pass/fail exam: did she or didn’t she? And if she didn’t, does that mean I royally flunked out ?
It can inject a hefty dose of pressure into what should be a fun and enjoyable exploration of pleasure.
The Science Behind It
Here’s the lowdown on why this goal-chasing game can mess with your mojo: when you’re all wired up about hitting the orgasm jackpot, you're likely operating from your prefrontal cortex—the brain's CEO of planning and analysing.
Great for spreadsheets, not so much for between-the-sheets (another line my inner writer is proud of!).
This mental mode can block the relaxation needed for both you and your partner to truly enjoy the moment, and in turn, make orgasms feel elusive.
Our nervous systems are like finely tuned antennas picking up each other's frequencies. If you're stressed about performing, her body’s going to pick up on that static, turning what should be a sexy signal into a distress signal.
And instead of climbing the peaks of ecstasy, you're both stuck navigating the plateau of anxiety.
Remember me talking about the nervous system in Part one? If not check it out bellow
How to Implement Pleasure Over Pressure
Before you even start getting x-rated, try to talk this through beforehand.
Remember: Communication = lubrication.
Here are some questions to help get the ball rolling:
What would you like to happen if I orgasm first?
If orgasm isn’t available to you today, what would you like to happen?
I think it would be really hot if we took the pressure of having to orgasm and just explored all the ways our bodies experience pleasure. Would that be something you’re interested in?
Embrace the idea of pleasure as a journey rather than a destination. Explore her body without a roadmap, focusing on what makes her sigh, moan, or giggle.
And remember, the more relaxed and connected you both feel, the more likely those oh-so-desirable peaks will appear naturally.
Lads, by shifting from a performance to a pleasure mindset, you're not just enhancing your intimate moments—you're revolutionising them.
This isn’t about lowering the bar; it’s about broadening the playing field. You’ll find that when you’re both more relaxed, the experiences you share can become more intense and satisfying than ever before.
2. The Art of Aftercare: Beyond the Sheets
Want to have consistent mind blowing sexual encounters, seeped in intimacy, respect and pleasure? Of course you do, you MVP of pleasure you!
Let me introduce you to the unspoken hero of your now-to-be bedroom - Sir Aftercare!
I’m gonna ask you another (semi-trick) question: When one sexual encounter finishes, when does the next one begin?
💣 THE. VERY. NEXT. MOMENT. 💣
The second physical intimacy comes to a close, is the very moment you start priming your partner for your next erotic rendevouz.
This, gentlemen, is where the real magic of aftercare begins.
It’s not just about cuddling—though that’s certainly suggested—it's about nurturing the shared space you’ve just revelled in. Aftercare involves everything from tender whispers to gentle strokes, ensuring that both partners feel cherished, much like a standing ovation at the end of a breathtaking performance.
This phase helps both partners transition from the vulnerability of peak sexual experiences back to their daily rhythms, all while wrapped in the warmth of mutual care.
The Science Behind Aftercare and Its Impact
Let’s dive a bit into the science, shall we?
Aftercare isn't just about emotional fluff— although if you dare call it emotional fluff to me I may bite your head off —it's a crucial part of sexual health, underpinned by a symphony of hormonal responses.
During intimate moments, our bodies release a cocktail of endorphins and oxytocin, enhancing bonding and pleasure. Engaging in thoughtful aftercare practices can keep these feel-good hormones flowing, which not only soothes the body but also fortifies the emotional bonds formed.
For women, sex is often as a deeply vulnerable act, more so than many of us give it credit for and especially if penetration occurred.
Not only do we have to feel safe enough in your hands to surrender and open into pleasure. Not only are we naked, exposing our body’s vulnerabilities to a gender which (as much as my inner “feminist-and-wanna-be-kickboxer” doesn’t like admitting) is physiologically stronger than us (although I’m pretty sure Amanda Serrano could whoop anyones ass) but we’re also literally allowing you inside of our bodies!
That is a deeply vulnerable state to be in.
Feeling secure and cared for afterwards isn’t just nice—it’s necessary. It reassures your partner that their emotional and physical well-being is a priority.
Implementing Effective Aftercare: A Gentleman’s Guide
Crafting Comfort Through Communication: Start with asking, "How are you feeling?" or "Did you enjoy our time together?", “What did you like most?”. Be curios about er experience. This open dialogue can affirm your care and interest in her well-being, beyond just the physical pleasure.
Physical Comfort and Reassurance: Offer a warm blanket, perhaps a cup of tea or a glass of water—simple comforts that say, "I'm here for you. That meant something to me". Gentle touches or a loving strokes can convey warmth and care, helping her body and mind ease back into normalcy after the intimate intensity.
Emotional Reassurance Through Actions and Words: Compliment her, let her know how connected you felt, how beautiful she is, and how much you value her. This can make all the difference in how she perceives the encounter and her own desirability.
Establish a Ritual: Perhaps it’s cuddling in a favourite position or sharing thoughts about the experience. Creating a routine can become a cherished part of your intimacy, signalling that you both value this shared time.
Continued Connection: A follow-up text or call saying, "I’m thinking of you," or "Thank you for last night" can extend the warmth of aftercare into the following days reinforcing the bond and setting a positive tone for future interactions.
So Gentlemen, remember, aftercare isn’t an afterthought; it’s an essential, integral part of the journey. Embrace it with enthusiasm, and watch your intimate connections transform.
3. Deep Dives into Connection Practices
Alright pleasure seekers - it’s time to transition from theory to action.
In the grand culmination of our series, I’m going to share one practice that will elevate your intimacy and deepen the connection with your partner.
Now it’s totally normal if you feel uncomfortable doing this. That’s actually part of it. But trust the process and if nothing else, it can be a good laugh between you and your partner - which I hope you know by now, is another way to deepen intimacy and connection. So, win-win, eh?!
The 5x5x5 Touch Exploration
Objective: This exercise fosters deep connection through eye gazing, explorative touch, and synchronised breathing, allowing both partners to sync emotionally and physically.
Steps:
Setup: Find a comfortable space where you can sit face to face on cushions or bolsters. Ensure your knees can touch or legs can intertwine, deepening your physical connection.
Eye Gazing (5 minutes): Set a timer with a gentle sound and start by gazing into each other’s eyes. Maintain this intimate contact, letting any awkwardness melt away as you connect deeply.
Explorative Touch (5 minutes): Next, use your hands to explore each other's bodies without speaking. Focus on non-erogenous zones at first, then gradually include all areas you both feel comfortable with. Communicate beforehand about any places to avoid.
Melting Kisses (5 minutes): Finally, let your lips touch. Explore five minutes of kissing, playing with speed, rhythm, pressure, tongue and simply allow yourself to melt into each other.
Remember, the goal is to enjoy the journey together, learning and exploring as you go. Embrace these moments with openness and curiosity, and watch your intimacy flourish.
Wrapping It Up: You Maverick You!
And with that Gentlemen, it’s a wrap!
As we drop the final curtain on our epic guide, I want you to think of yourself as the king of the bedroom—smart, savvy, and undeniably skilled in the fine arts of pleasure.
It's not just about leading with bravado but mastering the subtleties of your queen's desires, turning every whisper into a decree that sets her world alight.
And if you're itching to expand your empire of ecstasy, my door is always open!
Together, we can elevate your reign to legendary status, exploring uncharted territories of passion and pleasure.
Now go forth and consensually conquer!
Alexa Xx
What a way to wrap up this series! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I love that you’re speaking to our men! It’s a beautiful thing when a woman is willing to lead men with care and compassion and a whole lot of deliciousness! 🥰👑