What If Your Body Was Never the Problem?
🔥 Free Somatic Meditation Inside
What if your body isn’t a problem that needs to be fixed— but a map you’ve been ignoring all along?
Let that one land for a second….
Psst. Prefer to dive straight in? Scroll to the bottom to grab your free Felt Sense Audio Practice—designed to help you reconnect with your body, one sensation at a time.
For most of my life, I was convinced my body was the problem.
I thought the reason I didn’t feel sexy, the reason I struggled in bed, the reason I held myself back from relationships, or from going after the things I really wanted—was because of my body.
I’d say to myself, on deafening repeat: if only I was thinner, smoother, more toned… If only I had less cellulite, a flatter stomach, smaller thighs…
Then I’d be desirable.
Then I’d feel confident.
Then I’d finally let someone in without feeling like I needed to hide.
God, I can’t tell you how many dates I cancelled in my twenties because I was terrified they’d take one look at me and think… Really? That’s what she looks like?
Or how many times I’d stand in front of the mirror, changing outfits over and over, trying to find something that made me feel okay enough—something that could hide the parts of me I thought were too much and, at the same time, not enough.
And when I did let someone in? When I did get down and dirty…
It was like I disappeared.
I’d lie there, frozen. My mind racing. My body stiff. I’d go completely numb because I was so afraid that if they really saw me, if they really felt me… they’d lose interest.
They’d pull away.
They’d reject me.
And honestly? I get why I felt that way.
Because when you grow up being told—directly and indirectly—that your body is a problem, it sinks in deep.
Let’s Get Real… You Didn’t Come Into This World Hating Your Body
None of us did.
You weren’t born hating your body.
The world taught you to.
We’re taught that from the moment we arrive:
Be thin, but not too thin.
Be sexy, but not too sexy.
Be confident, but not too confident.
Smile more. Stay quiet. Don’t age. Don’t sag. Don’t get too soft. Don’t get too big.
I mean Jeeze….. can we say “exhausting as f*ck!”.
We’re told our worth is tied to how we look—not how we feel. That our bodies are here for other people’s pleasure, not our own. That we’re desirable if we’re a certain shape, a certain size, a certain version of beautiful.
And when you grow up marinating in that bullshit (because yes, it’s utter bullshit!), it messes with your head. It messes with your body. It messes with the way you show up in the world.
Why? Because it’s not just in your thoughts—it’s in your nervous system.
Your Nervous System is Just Doing Its Job (Even When It Feels Like It’s F*cking You Over)
Here’s the thing: your nervous system is built to keep you alive, not to make you feel sexy or confident (although yes, we can rewire the snazzy beast to experience more of that!).
Your nervous system is kind of like your body’s internal alarm system—always scanning for danger, always trying to keep you safe. And damn, she’s good at it!
So when the world tells you that your body is a problem, your nervous system learns that being seen is dangerous. It learns that feeling too much, wanting too much, taking up too much space—it’s risky.
And so it does what it’s designed to do…
It shuts you down.
You freeze during sex. You go numb when you try to connect. You hold back from asking for what you want. You keep quiet in conversations, keep your desires small, keep your body out of the spotlight.
And the worst part? You think it’s you.
You think you’re broken.
You think something’s wrong with you.
You think you’re just not “sexual” enough, or “confident” enough, or “whatever the hell” enough.
But it’s not you.
It’s your nervous system doing its job—protecting you from a world that taught you your body wasn’t safe (how magnificent it is!).
My Story: From Numb and Frozen to Feeling It All
Like most of us, I’ve lived this tale.
Fo pretty much the entirely of my life, I was disconnected from my body. But it wasn’t until 2017, during which I was completing my Masters, that the full dissociation happened.
I drank most nights to numb the loneliness. I’d spend countless days under a duvet, scrolling, zoning out, anything to avoid the ache in my chest that I didn’t even know how to feel.
I struggled to connect with people. I struggled to connect with myself. I struggle to feel anything whatsoever.
My body felt like an ongoing problem I couldn’t solve. Like an object that wasn’t a part of me.
And sex……?
Forget it.
I was so wrapped up in shame that I couldn’t even feel pleasure, let alone ask for it.
Because here’s the thing:
When you’re so busy hiding. So busy performing, pleasing, trying to make sure you’re “enough” for someone else, you lose touch with what actually feels good for you.
You go numb. You shut down. You disappear.
And that’s what I did.
For years!
How I Learnt to Feel Again
When I discovered somatics, it was like a door swung open that I didn’t even know existed.
I realised my body wasn’t a problem to fix—it was a guide. A map. A living, breathing, feeling organism that had been waiting for me to come back home to her.
And the way back? It wasn’t about thinking. It wasn’t about analysing. It wasn’t about affirmations in the mirror all day long (thank god!).
It wasn’t even about understanding everything from a logical, “fix me” place.
It was about feeling.
I started small… Noticing the tightness in my chest when anxiety crept in. The heat that spread through my belly when I felt desire. The buzzing energy in my palms when I let myself want. The lump in my throat when I spoke my truth, even when it felt shaky.
These sensations weren’t problems—they were clues. My body was communicating with me, showing me what was happening inside. Showing me what it wanted, what it was afraid of, and what it needed from me.
At first, it was uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to sit with it.
My brain wanted to jump in… What does this mean? Where did this come from? What is the story? How do I fix this?
But slowly—oh so slowly—I started to meet what I was feeling with curiosity instead of panic.
I started to ask myself…
“Okay... what’s here? What is the sensation of this? Where does it live in my body? Can I stay with it, even if just for a few seconds?”
And the more I practiced, the more I noticed: My body wasn’t shutting down to punish me... She was shutting down to protect me.
That tightness, the numbness, the holding back—they were all survival strategies, not signs that I was broken.
This realisation changed everything for me. For the first time I started to see my body, not as an enemy, not as something that was betraying me, and not as a problem that needed to be fixed.
But as an ally, as a friend, as… me!
The relationship I’ve built today with my body is radically different.
I can feel the electric current of pleasure buzzing through me, alive and tangible. I feel this warm, steady glow in my chest when I connect with someone deeply—like my body knows we’re safe, we’re here, we’re alive together.
There’s an excitement that bubbles up when I let myself want—without apology, without shrinking, without trying to be less.
And the quiet joy of feeling alive in my own skin. Knowing that I’m not a problem to solve, not a project to fix, but a living, breathing, whole being—with needs, desires, and every damn right to take up space in this world.
I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not perfect.
I still have days when my inner critic gets loud, telling me I’m too much, or not enough, or that I should shrink myself back down to fit.
There are still moments, especially when connecting with others, that it can feel awkward, uncomfortable and I can lessen myself.
But I know how to come back home now.
I know how to pause. How to breathe. How to feel.
How to remind myself—again and again—that my body is never the problem.
She’s always been the map.
And I just have to listen.
FREEBIE: Your Guided Felt Sense Practice
So if you’ve been carrying the story that your body is too much, or not enough, or just... wrong?
Let me tell you right now: Your body is not the problem.
It’s the system you learned. The stories you absorbed. The patterns your nervous system picked up in order to protect you.
But you? You get to write a new story.
You get to feel again. You get to reclaim your body. You get to remember that your body is not a project to manage—she’s a home to come back to.
If you’re reading this thinking, Okay... but how do I even begin?
Don’t worry—this is where we start.
I’ve created a short, guided Felt Sense Practice to help you begin reconnecting with your body.
This practice is the foundation. It’s where we slow down enough to hear the whispers of the body—the sensations, the tensions, the tingles, the tightness.
It might feel subtle. It might feel strange. You might not feel much at all. And that’s okay. That’s part of it.
This practice is your chance to start listening.
Let it be simple. Let it be enough. Let your body soften. And remember…
Your body, is not a problem to solve.
With love,
Alexa Xx
“She’s always been the map” 🌹✨
Excellent piece Alexa…every woman should read this….in fact everybody should read this as I’m sure young men have a similar experience.
Women feel like this even though they may have the commercially best body in the world…